Musings of a Thirtysomething
August 8, 2003
I’m not exactly sure when it started. It certainly didn’t occur
instantaneously the day I turned 30. It was something that
happened gradually, over time, creeping up on me like old underwear.
There was really no escaping it… I’m talking about becoming a
thirtysomething.
I
may not know exactly when it started, but I do remember the exact moment
I realized it. It was about 2½ years ago, and Bill and I were
driving to work together. We were listening to the 80s station
(that alone should have been a clue) when Metallica’s
Enter Sandman
came on the radio. I excitedly yelled “Sweeeeet!” and cranked the
car stereo to an unhealthy volume. I started playing air guitar,
banging my head, and singing along loudly and unashamedly. About
this time we passed by the local Jr. High where hoards of kids were all
walking to school. So here I was making a fool of myself in the
car while the Jr. Highers are looking at me like I’m insane and sooooo
incredibly uncool. When I saw the look on their faces it just made
me laugh and I went right back to my air guitar. And that’s when
it hit me – I didn’t care about being cool.
Wait a minute… I didn’t care about being cool? What’s up with
that? When did that
happen? And in a flash my mind went back to when I was in Jr. High
myself. I remembered how sometimes my mom would drive me to school
in her bathrobe and how terribly embarrassed I was by that. How
could she wear a bathrobe in public and not be embarrassed? After
all, I was embarrassed and I wasn’t even the one wearing it!
Reflecting back on this I realized that I had somehow become that “older
person” who didn’t care about bathrobes in public or playing air guitar
to a song that was popular before those Jr. Highers were out of diapers.
Interestingly enough, I wasn’t even disturbed to realize this.
I
was 34 when I had this epiphany. Welcome to being a
thirtysomething.
If you are not yet in your 30s you’re not really going to get this
musing. Just like I never really “got” the TV show Thirtysomething
or the movie The Big Chill
back when I was in my 20s. I don’t know about you, but my 20s were
marked by lots of socializing, partying, having fun, and learning to
live on my own. My biggest concerns at that time were finding true
love and deciding on a career. The future seemed a long way off
and I felt as if my life was really just beginning. The world was
full of possibilities and I felt like time was on my side. I would
look at people older than myself and feel like so many of them were so
serious and, well, boring. They seemed like they had lost the
ability to have fun. I can remember vowing to myself and to my
friends that I would never get like that, that I would always enjoy a
good time and being the life of the party.
Well being the life of the party isn’t so important anymore. I
suppose I should feel horrified and ashamed to admit that, but I really
don’t. What I didn’t understand in my 20s is that there is a lot
more to life than having fun. Life can be a lot richer, and have
a lot more depth than just that. Being cool doesn’t matter so much
anymore because I have learned that there are more important things to
put my energy into than worrying about what other people think of me.
Things like meaningful relationships, and family, and making a
difference in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I still know how to
have a good time. But now having a good time is more about
enjoying the company of good friends and sharing a good laugh than it is
about seeing who can drink the most tequila shots and still avoid a
hangover in the morning. Life has gotten richer, not because life
has changed, but because my perspective has deepened. Now I
understand that people in their 30s and beyond haven’t lost the ability
to have fun; what’s happened is they’ve actually gained more meaning in
their lives.
Now I know to a twentysomething that sounds incredibly boring, but I
assure you, it’s not. It’s something you can’t understand until
you get here. So go back to your parties and your singles bars and
enjoy your 20s. As you approach 30 don’t fret about it like so
many people do. Your life won’t be over and you won’t lose the
ability to have fun. Being in your 30s is a great place to be!
Maybe somehow deep down I knew that before I ever got here. Maybe
that’s why turning 30 was not at all distressing for me, and having my
thirtysomething epiphany was more amusing than anything else. I
actually enjoy joking about being old to my twentysomething friends
because I know the thirtysomething secret: it’s not as dreadful as they
think.
Sure, growing older has its depressing parts. I won’t sit here and
try to pretend that I haven’t noticed the lines that are beginning to
form on my face or the creakiness starting in my joints. I won’t
lie to you and say that I don’t periodically check for gray hair,
secretly dreading the day that I finally find one. And I won’t
pretend that I don’t revel in the fact that I still get carded every now
and then. Trust me, I savor every time that happens because I know
it just might be the last time! What I will tell you, though, is
that my 30s have been marked by a lot of soul searching and embracing
who I am. It’s been a turbulent and sometimes tearful journey, but
by looking inside I have learned so much about myself and I have
realized the power of choices. The most important realization I’ve
had in my 30s is that I don’t have to sit back and let life just happen
to me. I am fully accountable for myself and how my life turns
out. Let me tell you, that revelation was frightening and
liberating all at the same time. But it has changed – and is continuing to
change – my life for the better. Knowing what I know now, and the
empowerment that comes with that knowledge, is something I wouldn’t
trade for the world. It’s been the gift of my 30s and I embrace it
wholeheartedly. You couldn’t pay me to go back to my 20s.
There was a time when I never thought I’d say this, but I have a
sneaking suspicion that there are a lot of cool things in store for me
in my 40s, 50s, and beyond. I just celebrated my 37th
birthday a few weeks ago so 40 is just a few years around the corner.
While I dread the inevitable gray hair that is bound to sprout by then,
I look forward to the wisdom that comes with age and the richness of
growing older. To the 40s I say, bring it on!
Now excuse me while I go dig up my Metallica cassette. I’m feeling
in the mood for a little air guitar.